Day 66: March 6, 2016- Be yourself, SHIT!- Erykah Badu

No... I don't curse (I try not to anyway) and some may be shocked that I would put it on my blog, but that's Erykah Badu and that's how she said it. Lol *shrugs*

Last weekend I went to Erykah Badu's birthday concert in Dallas, TX and it was everything. There were so many memorable moments, but the quote above rang loudly in my ears as soon as I heard it.

I don't know when she said it, why she said it, but she said it.... 

And now I can't get it out of my head. 

It won't go away. 

It's not that I'm out here NOT being me... I am! I've just been struggling with being ok with me in a certain area of my life... Stay with me... 

Pursuing modeling has been an emotional rollercoaster as I believe I shared in a previous blog. It has caused emotions and feelings to surface that I forgot were there... 

Demons of self doubt and insecurity that I thought I was free from... 

It has honestly been the scariest ride of my life... Yet, I pursue it! 

Why??!!!! 

Good question... I'll do my best to answer. 

There's something about it that fits me, I think... 

I feel like I'm supposed to... 

That and I really just want to model... *shrugs*

Although auditions, callbacks, photoshoots, and fashion shows freak me out... (...pretty much all the exposure that comes with modeling.. haha), there is something about fashion and modeling that continues to reel me in. I love trying to find myself in fashion... I like breaking the "rules" of fashion and allowing myself to be me... Man..  Scratch that... I don't even  believe there are rules in fashion... Well, if there are, I don't follow them. I'm just different... I'm just me!

When I look at models in the industry, I don't think I'm like them. Not that I see anything bad, I'm just a little old unicorn that likes to wear sweatpants and combat boots...and when it's time to rehearse for the show I trade in those boots for heels! I'm a tomboy who likes playing dress up! The girl in me likes to get dolled up for shows though! Preparing for runway shows, to me, feels like acting in a way. I feel like I get to be someone that I'm not and wear things that I would never pick for myself. While you wouldn't catch me dead in an emerald green evening dress, I absolutely loved walking the runway in one a few weeks ago!

"Be yourself, SHIT!"

I love clothes! I love buying small items here and there and fitting them into my wardrobe of favorite things... You know what I mean right?! That shirt you may wear every other weekend... Or like me, my destroyed pairs of black and blue denim jeans that I wear ALL.THE.TIME! People see me in them often, but they've never seen me wear them the same way... That's what I love about personal style and just doing me... I get to do whatever I want with my clothes and to me it works... 

I love the thought of me being a full time model! Although I'm afraid at times, I feel like I'm called to it. There is something I'm supposed to add to it... I can feel it. Outside of being 6'0" tall and skinny, I think I can bring a different look to this  world and make it just as commercial and edgy... Editorial even! 

I love my tomboy chic style..

.

I love my 'locks...

I love being 6'0"...

I just have to believe in myself, man...

There is also another aspect of modeling that I discovered that I love... The competitiveness of it! I've played basketball for forever and I've always loved beating the trash talkers!! If you know me then you know, I'm chill. I don't get worked up about much... I've always let my actions speak for me! The same with modeling. I've found my competition in Nashville and boy oh boy is she "confident." While I fully support her and absolutely admire her confidence, I have to say... there's also this little part of me that wants to...

Naw...








 I won't say it... cuz it won't come out right... 

I'm watching though... taking notes... And ready for Nashville and all of the world to see what I'm capable of! 

"Bey Beyoncé" my friend said to me... And I couldn't agree more! I'll let my works speak for me...

 I always have and I can't stop now... Even if I want my competition to sweat a lil bit! Lol 

Slay like Beyoncé! They'll know your move after you already made the move! 

"Be yourself, shit!"

Oh yeah...you're right, Auntie! I'm taking notes from Bey's book though. I'm chillin...



Dani Evans, Pyer Moss' NFW '16

I'm going to make my mark in the fashion industry.... 

THIS GIRL with the long, black 'locks...

THIS GIRL... The one you'll see walk in menswear during fashion week, because I don't want to be put in a box.

Shout out to Pyer Moss for booking women for his show in fashion week this year...

Man... I'm ready to do this! 

I said a lot just now... and I said all of it to say that I needed to hear what she said!! No one can do me better than I can do me!!! And if I don't be me then no one will!! The world needs me. I think the fear I experience from modeling comes from trying to fit the mold. I'm not supposed to...

So I won't...

I'ma do what she said...

Be yourself, shit! *smirks and walks away*

Until next time, 

Stix