#day76- March 16, 2016- Now THAT'S CRAY!!

Ok... I was ranting on my last post... My bad! I didn't even update y'all!! And now that I'm sitting in the tire shop with nothing but time, I'll update y'all on what's been up!! (This was written a couple of days ago... And I don't feel like editing so...) 

Sorry for the month off! While daily blogging  seemed ideal, it just isn't realistic. I am allowing the blogs to form naturally! I write better that way!! 

I apologize in advance if they seem longer because... well... I'll have more to say... Since I'm not blogging as much! 

Quick update:

I've watched two and a half shows/events on TV! The Grammy's, The Oscars, and half-time of the Super Bowl (because... Beyonce, duh!) I also watched a Nina Simone documentary which was pretty darn amazing! I'm sure I'll blog about that because I learned a thing or two from it! Anyway, someone was disappointed that I "watched" television and to them I shared this, "Television is no longer my norm and it never will be again." I went from watching television all the time to having no desire to grab my remote control and that was my goal! Without television, I am on an awesome journey of self-discovery and I'm happy about that! 

I'm reading more and looking to making some changes in my life! One of those changes is transitioning to a plant-based diet! If you know me, that freakin sounds impossible. My cousin once told me that when I started eating/craving salad and fruit that's when she'll know that I'm pregnant. Lol to elaborate a bit, I have never been a fan of raw foods!! Salad is gross and fruit never tastes the same... With that in mind, I gave it up all together. I only eat salad when I feel horrible about my eating habits at the time and I only eat fruit in the can. 

Why are you thinking of a plant-based diet now?!! Good question... Simply put... I am tired of being unhealthy. I can only go to fast food restaurants so much... And just recently I learned that I have the flu!! (This is more up-to-date, as I found out I had the flu shortly after leaving the tire shop... Again.. Sorry... I'm being lazy) I can't help but wonder if my eating habits were different, would I have the flu?!  Would my body be able to fight against such a harsh sickness if I were eating better than I have been and/or resting more! ?! And everybody knows I freakin work like a Hebrew slave... Not because I have to... But I want to! It's just in me to work hard for what I want... *shrugs*

With that in my mind, I'm doing my research and we'll see where I end up. I'm leaning towards a healthier diet.. even if that means training my mind (because it's mostly mental) and my palate to enjoy raw foods and let go of the meat and diary! Jesus, I need your help!!!? Laaaaaaaawd! 

So that's what's been up with me!! Keep cheering me on y'all!! Television is no longer the struggle! It's my diet now!! This is exactly why my blog is called 366 days of cray! You never know what you're going to get! It's also why my first blog mentioned this all being about self discovery! I'm really getting to know myself through this journey... The things you'll learn when you give up the thing that's kept you bound... Television robbed me of idle time.. Time to think... Learn... and potentially grow! I couldn't have chosen a better time to rid myself of television! I'm learning... Super dope! 

Oh in other news... I'll have an update soon with modeling!! *fingers crossed*!Thanks to my homies who have much more faith in me than I do myself. They are saying that I have the gig already... So following suit...  I'm claiming that the gig is already booked as well.  I'll let you know when I get the official call/email! 

More on that later... 

Until next time, 

Xoxo Stix

Day 66: March 6, 2016- Be yourself, SHIT!- Erykah Badu

No... I don't curse (I try not to anyway) and some may be shocked that I would put it on my blog, but that's Erykah Badu and that's how she said it. Lol *shrugs*

Last weekend I went to Erykah Badu's birthday concert in Dallas, TX and it was everything. There were so many memorable moments, but the quote above rang loudly in my ears as soon as I heard it.

I don't know when she said it, why she said it, but she said it.... 

And now I can't get it out of my head. 

It won't go away. 

It's not that I'm out here NOT being me... I am! I've just been struggling with being ok with me in a certain area of my life... Stay with me... 

Pursuing modeling has been an emotional rollercoaster as I believe I shared in a previous blog. It has caused emotions and feelings to surface that I forgot were there... 

Demons of self doubt and insecurity that I thought I was free from... 

It has honestly been the scariest ride of my life... Yet, I pursue it! 

Why??!!!! 

Good question... I'll do my best to answer. 

There's something about it that fits me, I think... 

I feel like I'm supposed to... 

That and I really just want to model... *shrugs*

Although auditions, callbacks, photoshoots, and fashion shows freak me out... (...pretty much all the exposure that comes with modeling.. haha), there is something about fashion and modeling that continues to reel me in. I love trying to find myself in fashion... I like breaking the "rules" of fashion and allowing myself to be me... Man..  Scratch that... I don't even  believe there are rules in fashion... Well, if there are, I don't follow them. I'm just different... I'm just me!

When I look at models in the industry, I don't think I'm like them. Not that I see anything bad, I'm just a little old unicorn that likes to wear sweatpants and combat boots...and when it's time to rehearse for the show I trade in those boots for heels! I'm a tomboy who likes playing dress up! The girl in me likes to get dolled up for shows though! Preparing for runway shows, to me, feels like acting in a way. I feel like I get to be someone that I'm not and wear things that I would never pick for myself. While you wouldn't catch me dead in an emerald green evening dress, I absolutely loved walking the runway in one a few weeks ago!

"Be yourself, SHIT!"

I love clothes! I love buying small items here and there and fitting them into my wardrobe of favorite things... You know what I mean right?! That shirt you may wear every other weekend... Or like me, my destroyed pairs of black and blue denim jeans that I wear ALL.THE.TIME! People see me in them often, but they've never seen me wear them the same way... That's what I love about personal style and just doing me... I get to do whatever I want with my clothes and to me it works... 

I love the thought of me being a full time model! Although I'm afraid at times, I feel like I'm called to it. There is something I'm supposed to add to it... I can feel it. Outside of being 6'0" tall and skinny, I think I can bring a different look to this  world and make it just as commercial and edgy... Editorial even! 

I love my tomboy chic style..

.

I love my 'locks...

I love being 6'0"...

I just have to believe in myself, man...

There is also another aspect of modeling that I discovered that I love... The competitiveness of it! I've played basketball for forever and I've always loved beating the trash talkers!! If you know me then you know, I'm chill. I don't get worked up about much... I've always let my actions speak for me! The same with modeling. I've found my competition in Nashville and boy oh boy is she "confident." While I fully support her and absolutely admire her confidence, I have to say... there's also this little part of me that wants to...

Naw...








 I won't say it... cuz it won't come out right... 

I'm watching though... taking notes... And ready for Nashville and all of the world to see what I'm capable of! 

"Bey Beyoncé" my friend said to me... And I couldn't agree more! I'll let my works speak for me...

 I always have and I can't stop now... Even if I want my competition to sweat a lil bit! Lol 

Slay like Beyoncé! They'll know your move after you already made the move! 

"Be yourself, shit!"

Oh yeah...you're right, Auntie! I'm taking notes from Bey's book though. I'm chillin...



Dani Evans, Pyer Moss' NFW '16

I'm going to make my mark in the fashion industry.... 

THIS GIRL with the long, black 'locks...

THIS GIRL... The one you'll see walk in menswear during fashion week, because I don't want to be put in a box.

Shout out to Pyer Moss for booking women for his show in fashion week this year...

Man... I'm ready to do this! 

I said a lot just now... and I said all of it to say that I needed to hear what she said!! No one can do me better than I can do me!!! And if I don't be me then no one will!! The world needs me. I think the fear I experience from modeling comes from trying to fit the mold. I'm not supposed to...

So I won't...

I'ma do what she said...

Be yourself, shit! *smirks and walks away*

Until next time, 

Stix

Day 29: January 29, 2016- Friday night and Chill

When you want "Friday night" to say Netflix, but your best friend said that you would be cheating if you watched Netflix... 

Mane, whatever... She had imitation ribs the other day and she's not supposed to be eating meat. Sooooo.... Me watching Netflix is the same thing... Or nah?

Lol anyway... Friday night was really chill. I received my MytaughtYou journal and "Over here being excellent" coffee mug in the mail!! I couldn't wait to open that package. 

The Learn More to Earn More journal was created by Myleik Teele. She journals and creates lists every day to keep her days on track. When she learned how to be more disciplined, she applied those two tasks to help her stay on track! I purchased the journal to try it out and see if it helps me do the same! 

Friday night I read the first few pages in the journal that pretty much shared how to use the journal. I'm enjoying it! I even listened to one of her podcasts, Maintaining Momentum" and journaled about it! The over here being excellent mug is so me. I bought it simply because I would say something like that and coffee is a MUST every morning for me! Lol I spend waaayyyyyyyy too much money on coffee! I may just pour my Starbucks in that mug every morning. Lol I like the mug that much! 

anyway... That was my Friday night...!

Day 28: January 28, 2016 #goals

I woke up with one thing on my mind.... Modeling! 

I don't think I've ever wanted something so badly...

I was thinking about what I needed to do to make it happen....  

The different brands I want to model for...

my model body... 

The steps I'm taking to tone up and get a bit more lean... 

The plans I'm making to build my portfolio... 

Shoot, shoot, shot ... 

Restore confidence... 

Grow..

bE... 

eVoLvE...

Not a lot of words today.... 

Just dreaming... 

I'm inspired... 

                           

CK, I'm ready! 

28 days... still going strong!

Until next time, 
Stix

Day 27: January 27, 2016- #WCW- Erykah Badu

"Now usually I don't do this but uhhhhh...."

When it's really corny and you won't fake like it's funny...

I'ma gone and let Fran write this blog! She has to get this out of her system!! For those who haven't been keeping up with my blog or are starting with this post, Fran is the fan-girl that lives inside of me and tends to get a bit obsessive with certain celebrities she loves! It's embarrassing to admit that she's there, but I can't freakin deny her... So here you go guys.... Here's Fran! -Stix

So let's just hop into it!! Auntie Lo Down Loretta Brown!! Yes, she goes by a lot of names and yes you'll get to read about all of them! So lehhhggooo... 

Stix has been a fan... from the beginning!! There wasn't an album that her dad didn't have at his apartment! Every other weekend (that broken home life...smh) she would run and find his collection to see what was new in his cd case. You remember the huge one that you had to unzip and flip through the clear pages?? Yeah... He had plenty of those! He had the cd booklet and the CD in each compartment... You seeing it?! Dope... Lol Stix credits her dad for her love for music! The Rodgers' family are all singers and have a love for music that transcends simply listening to a good lyric or a dope beat! It's different... 

but back to She ILL... 

Stix totally remembers when Baduizm came out... Granted, She was only 10, but she remembers it! She listened to it from start to finish! "Next Lifetime" was her immediate fave! She wasn't really feelin' her head wraps (maybe she was too young to get it), but she loved her voice. She was a dope artist.



Stix has heard every album from beginning to end....

Followed every relationship...

She's pretty much watched her evolve into the Erykah of today!!

She wasn't a stan... but she was a young fan.

I mean... She didn't start purchasing albums herself until New Amerykah Part One (4th World War).... sounds about right though, by that time she was living on her own and making her own money... She could invest in her own collection by that point.... So there... I hope that clears that up!! I'm defending her right now for all those that's looking at her cray! Stix has been a fan since the head wrap days!

Now me on the other hand... I'm totally stanning!

And here's when it happened....

The love for her kinda snuck up on me! While on social media, I can't remember what site, I started seeing her pop up quite a bit. I think that's where it started...or wait... Maybe it was after I heard her cover of Drake's song, Hotline Bling when I got in the car from getting a pizza at PieFive. I don't remember, but I do remember she was everywhere. She was promoting for the Soul Train music awards because she was hosting that year. She also started talking about a mixtape that she was releasing on Black Friday! I was interested... I started doing my research, like I always do!!

Watching interviews...

listening to albums again...

catching up, basically!

I was learning more and more about her and falling in love with her character (NO HOMO!) Erykah is like me!! She is a huge fan of hip hop, loves wearing baggy clothes, a bit ballsy, assertive, got that southern-hood slang, can check (scorin' is what she says they call it in Dallas) with the best of them, and pretty down to earth! She's that big sister/ best friend that you need in your corner that's gonna call you out on your crap and love on you when you need it! I swear I slick just described myself... but anyway...

So in true fan- girl fashion, I started following her every move... not in a stalkery (made up word, obviously) kind of way... Welllllllllllllll.. maybe a little stal....naw, not stalkery! Bloggers do this crap all the time to keep up! I'm just a fan using the same techniques!! :-D! You like that?? Haha. So, I receive  alerts now when she tweets and goes on Periscope!! She's not the only one I receive alerts for... but we ain't talkin' about them right now.

So one night while I'm on my way home to Memphis, I see an alert that she was on Periscope! Long story short, she talks about a burner phone that she is going to have for a month and that she is going to give out clues to figure out the number... I almost lost my mind!! I knew I had to figure out this number!! 

I had to drop off my little cousin once I made it to Memphis, but once I made it home, it was on. I was writing down numbers, scratching off the ones that I had tried, until I found the ONE! It took me almost an hour to figure it out, BUT I DID... and 41 calls later, guess who was on the phone with Fat Belly Bella, herFREAKINself! Yo! 

I about lost my mind.... Scratch that! I lost my freakin' mind!! Stix thought she was talking to her, but it was really me... Stix is the most quiet, most star-struck chick in situations like this!! Not me!! Breh, I will talk your head off about how much I love and admire you! Lol Yep, I pretty much talked her head off! When she was able to get in a word, I realized even more how cool she is! She was very kind and sweet... made me feel like fam... Shoot even my Ma got to talk to her! She called my mom, "Sis" which is why I joke that she's my auntie! It was about a 3 minute conversation, but it meant the world to me! She talked about how much her fans bring her joy and make her smile... she just wanted to do the same! Dope!! 

Ever sense then... it's been a wrap! We're homies for life in my head and I pray that one day I'll know her as Erykah Wright aka Erykah in Amerykah aka Badula Oblongata aka Manuela Maria Mexico aka Annie the Alchemist aka Sarah Bellum aka She ILL, aka Analog girl in a Digital World aka my fave, DJ Lo Down Loretta Brown!!

I haven't been able to get through since then and probably never will now that the number is BLASTED all over her social media sites (not cool, Auntie)... but I will never forget that experience. It was the coolest thing ever and a story I won't stop sharing. Did I mention my little sister recorded the whole thing, so I have PROOF that we talked?!? LOL GET LIKE ME, BREH! I prepared her for that moment... I knew I would get through. I told her to have her phone ready... Y'all ain't fan-girlin' like me, breh!! LOL

But for real... although, I'm Fran and I'll admit that I'm a bit obsessed, I will say that I've learned quite a bit from her in the last few months. That's truly why she is my #WCW. In her interviews, periscope chats, and mini sermons on Twitter, I've learned to BE PRESENT in the moment and not allow experiences (especially moments like the one I just mentioned) pass me by. I'm not getting any younger. In order to remember and enjoy a memory, I have to first be present. I'm doing that now... when I spend time with my grandparents, when I'm at a concert...etc. I've also learned the art of being true to myself. No sense in being anyone else but me. I don't see too many Erykah's... maybe a few wannabe's, but nobody is touching THEE Erykah Badu. She's in a lane all by herself. It's obvious that she has a love for hip hop and artsy things, but she is finding herself in those different things... not becoming them... if that makes sense. I hope to embark on a new industry soon and my ultimate prayer is that people will one day be able to say the same about me. The picture above is my current lock screen on my iPhone. While it may appear odd, it speaks to me... It reminds me to be me, find myself in all things, and allow myself to evolve! That and it's a pretty dope picture!

One last thing in my art of fan-girling, I've discovered my own little min-#wcw! It's Erykah's youngest daughter, Mars! She's who I wish I could have been at her age. This girl is so outspoken, so true to herself.... She seems to march to the beat of her own drum and doesn't take crap from anyone! I could learn a thing or two from her! Another thing I love about her is that she cusses up a storm! It's freakin' hilarious. Sounds like she could hold her own with the best of them... Somebody get me a Mars please.. minus the cussin'! lol Naw... but 4real, I would love to meet her too!!

Well... I could go on and on... and on and on (that was corny, but necessary) but I'm tired and ready for bed soooo...

Passing the mic back to Stix real quick,

Stix: Smh... Before we go... No television for 27 days now! *drops mic, exits stage left*

Until next time, 

Stix! 

Day 26: January 26, 2016: #BlackExcellence

Tuesday! 

Easily one of my favorite days of the week...

It's my church day. A day where I anticipate greatly God's presence in worship and in fellowship with some church members that have become really good friends! It was literally the first thing on my mind when I woke up that morning....

And after all that.... anticipation... guess who didn't make it to church?!?! 

This one. #teamslackinallaround

I left the house for church and totally didn't make it.... I had every intention of going, I was just tired! I ended up catching up with a friend and then went home and cuddled with my dog! Smh... What is my life?? 

I didn't watch TV though aaaannnnnnd I was at work super early... 6:30 to be exact. Nothing new... gotta make this money. 

In other news....

Can we talk about the Birth of a Nation film?! For those who may not know, fine Nate Parker, wrote, directed, and starred in what seems to have been an amazing slave-rebellion drama! So amazing that he was offered a record-breaking $17.5 million to own the rights of the film?! This all happened at a bucket list festival that I hope to attend some day, the Sundance Film Festival. I've done some research on this film and was inspired by the time, effort, and money that went into it.  

Nate (yes we're on first name basis... He's bae, duh!) pursued this film with his whole heart. It took him seven years to write it. He even gave up acting for two years to devote his time into it. Talk about passion!! Talk about BLACK EXCELLENCE!!! He spent $100,000 of his own money travelling the world to pitch the film to investors. A few basketball players and others invested and helped form his $10 million budget... Remember the offer I mentioned??? He received his money back plus some. 

There are rumors that Netflix bid $20 million, but Parker turned it down to ensure that it was presented properly and to the right market!! That alone spoke volumes to me!! When you've invested in something and believe in something, your own project, you have to protect it! You don't necessarily sell to the highest bidder when it's your baby...when you want it done right!! 

I'm proud of this WIN for black people!! This shows our ability to BE in an industry that doesn't want to give us a chance! This shows the world that we belong... we always belonged and our gift will always make room for us!!  

I have learned to invest in myself, believe in myself, and allow myself to grow! No matter how many chances it takes... No matter how many No's I get... If it's mine, it's mine!! 

I'm so here for this story!! I'm looking forward to seeing this film.

Until next time, 

Stix

Day 25- January 25, 2015: (Monday Numero Quatro) Motivated by Monday IV

 I have a feeling that the Monday title won’t stick!! I’m not liking it too much.. in fact… as I was typing just now, I decided to strike the original title and change it to Motivated by Monday. 

What an oxymoron! I’m not motivated by Mondays… Mostly because I’m not doing what I love, but I intend to someday… I guess we can say I'm speaking it into existence! Boom… So there you have it… One day that title will be true! In the meantime… let’s talk about Monday!

Typical start to my week… I haven’t gone back to making my bed up in the mornings and yes, I’ve been hitting the snooze button… but I made it to work on time and even managed a little overtime after work! So blah…Typical Monday… I’m determined to end it with a quick work out on my floor…Maybe a few crunches (I need to work off these Klondike bars that I’ve been munching on since the snow showed its face…) and a push up or two! 

To end on somewhat of a positive note… I’ll share this… It starts kind of weird, but bear with me…

To get through my days at work, I’m usually listening to a playlist on Spotify. You know how songs make me feel… I, like most of us, associate certain songs to memories, some good and some bad. Today, while working on notes for a meeting I attended, Dwele’s “Open your Eyes” came on.

“I see you in a lonely place…how can you be so blind. You’re still regretting the love you left, left behind. Oh darling… I see you go through a change, sitting along each night. Are you expecting to find the love, love that’s right. Oh darling, open your eyes and let me show you the light. Girl you’ll never find the love that’s right….

There is a light that shines special for you and me…. You’ll need to look at the other side. You’ll agree… ”

Ok.. that’s enough. That song triggers a beautiful memory for me at the time, but definitely took me to a place today.. I was literally about to cry thug tears. My ex-husband used to create mixtapes that told “our story.” That was one of the songs from the first mixtape. I don’t think I’ve heard it since then. Anyway, I immediately went into this dark place that I’ve been trying to stay away from. That place where I hear the lies that I’ll never find love like that again…

That I’m the reason that my relationship ended…

I mean…after all… most of the guys I dated seriously are married now…

“…and look at you… divorced…”

I mean… THOSE kind of lies. 

Lies that I believe and pray like HELL that God will help me ignore. Anyway… right on time, my friend sends me an article entitled, “How To Ruin Your Life (Without you noticing that you are). Good stuff… I’ll include the link so you can read it, but check this out:

“You ruin your life by letting your past govern it. It is common for certain things in life to happen to you. There will be heartbreak, confusion, days where you feel like you aren’t special or purposeful. There are moments that will stay with you, words that will stick. You cannot let these define you – they were simply moments, they were simply words. If you allow for every negative event in your life to outline how you view yourself, you will view the world around you negatively….You will miss out on affection because you assumed your past love left you because you weren’t good enough, and now you don’t believe the man or the woman who urges you to believe you are. This is a cyclic, self-fulfilling prophecy. If you don’t allow yourself to move past what happened, what was said, what was felt, you will look at your future with that lens, and nothing will be able to breach that judgment. You will keep on justifying, reliving, and fueling a perception that shouldn’t have existed in the first place.”

 Commmmmeeeee on,  *in the voice of one of my good, church friends, Katie* If my God is not an on time God, man…!!! 

 http://thoughtcatalog.com/bianca-sparacino/2014/11/how-to-ruin-your-life-without-even-noticing-that-you-are/

 I’ma leave that right there! Check it out if you feel you need it!!! 

 Good stuff.

Until next time, 

Stix