When I tell you it hit me hard tonight.... I wanted to watch Growing Up Hip Hop so bad!!! I needed something to do... I needed someone to call me and ask me to go out. A hookah bar... A drink and conversation... SOMETHING!!
Instead my evening started with me laying on my stomach across my bed with Tucker on my back knocked out.. What a sight, right?! I was on social media waaayyyyy past 7pm. I'on EVEN CARE! I needed a filler. Lol
I wasn't up for reading a book or an article... Didn't feel like washing clothes... So... Know what I did instead??
I took a hot bath....
Lit candles...
played Sade Radio on Spotify
and allowed myself to feel.
It was soothing...
Necessary.
My mind is always going... At work I'm always resolving issues and answering every question known to man... I tell people all the time that it feels like people play volleyball with my brain. By the time I get it back, it's deflated.... Overused.... Useless. For once I was able to think about whatever came to mind.
For a moment... There was nothing. I thought I was going to fall asleep. Then I prayed... I thought about past experiences... How I handled situations... How I could have handled others better. I thought about my dreams, my future, where I see myself in five years. I thought about my love life.... The qualities I l desire in a man... Which lead me back into prayer... Lol For the men of my generation... For my man.
I thought about my deepest desires, my greatest fears, my relationship with God...
What a feeling....
Not one I experience often.
And then I got out...
Got back on social media...
Downloaded a dating app..
Played on that until I caught a major cramp in my foot...
This was all before 10pm.
*sigh* Y'all ain't prayin.
Until tomorrow friends,
Stix
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